Marriage and Smiles...

I am not usually a "forward" reader (and rarely people send me forwards) but sometimes when my mood is off I try to go through the small list of forwards sitting in my mail box.
Here is one that made me smile the other day:

Toofaani Barish

Aadhi raat

Ramlal, Pizza Hut pe pizza lene aaya

Waiter: Kya aap Married hain?

Ramlal: Kutte! Aisi toofani barish main, kaunsi Maa apne bete ko pizza lene bhejegi?

And here are a few good lines which one of my Friend Kiran Telangi sent along with his marriage card, they are really good and aptly describes "Marriage".

"We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find
Someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours,
We join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it marriage"

Kiran Many congratulations!! and here's wishing this "weirdness" continues throughout your life.

Funny Business

There are times in every relationship that we think that it is perfect, nothing adverse is going to happen and we might just 'live happily ever after'. There are good times and then there are scary ones in every relationship but unless the things get worse we still think or hope that things would work out and we would go back to having the same strong bond as earlier.
Sometimes they do and sometimes they don't.

I was having dinner with my long time friend Vishal and his family, which included his wife Supriya and her around an year old beautiful daughter whom they named 'Vidya'.
She was clinging to her mother's shoulder while we shared some jokes over the dinner table.

I have known Vishal since I was 12, I used to play cricket every evening. Once there was a match with another team which we lost, nevertheless that day I made a new friend in Vishal.
I don't clearly remember how we started but it had something to do with balling the right length.
Since then we started playing together and we used to go out and have fun on his bike.
We studied in different schools but we used to meet every day and there were times when I would spend days at his home and he at mine, without our parents worrying.

From class 10th to completing the graduation he had at least 5 relations (I wouldn't like to call them relations but he does). He wasn't very good at studies and just managed to pass. I still remember his father shouting at him so many times about getting serious in life. But he had his own ideas about studies and work.
He never got serious in anything be it studies, work, relationships or any other aspect of life.
After completing 12th we both joined the same college for graduation.
I left the city after graduation and today after 7 years I was meeting him. We tried to keep contact through phone and emails but it rarely works.
But now when I was visiting my city after so long I had to meet him and see as to how he was doing.
The dinner was going very well and we were sharing old anecdotes and discussing all the teachers and batch mates. His wife was very comfortable with the conversation and seemed like she was enjoying her time.
Suddenly he asked, do you know about Tarun and Sneha?
I have heard something last year from one of my batch mates regarding them.
I nodded in the air thinking something, 'a little', I replied.

It was my first day at campus and it was raining heavily, I was rushing to the dormitories when I saw Tarun and Sneha for the first time. They waved a hello to me shouting a question in the rain 'First year?'. I smiled back and nodded.

Tarun and I became friends in no time, half the reason was that I had spent some time in Delhi around the same area where Tarun mentioned his house was. It so often happens that we easily become friends with people from same place, even though we have not met them there.

Tarun and Sneha both of them had separate dormitories nevertheless they were inseparable.
They attended the classes together, they lunched and dined together, they studied together and and yes off course watched the movies together.

They were so much into each other but they still maintained friendship with others too and almost every one in the class liked them.
The best part of their relationship was they both were so matched in every sense, if Sneha was beautiful then Tarun would also make the girls skip their heartbeats because of his looks.
Who was better at studies? Surprisingly they both were equally good or equally bad. And there doing combined studies helped both of them. If one was in a bad mood the other knew exactly how to fix it. Most of the times they would be complimenting each other in everything they do.

I still remember the day when Sneha fell ill due to cold how Tarun woke up for 2 whole nights to look after her.
3 months into the semester and I became very good friends with both of them. There were times when I would share lunch with them and at times I would ask them to help me out with studies.
To me, like anyone else they seemed a 'Perfect Couple'.
Though no one would say it explicitly but everyone in the class wished they had such a relationship in their lives.
The time passed and we all graduated and went our own ways.
Tarun wanted to look for a job so that he can marry Sneha immediately. And when I left he was searching for the job.
Since then I have not heard anything about them. For me it was a predetermined story, he would find a job both would get married and in 2 years time would be parents.

Last year when I was online chatting with one of my batch mates, he told me that Sneha and Tarun got married but within 2 years they got divorced and now Tarun is pursuing MBA and Sneha left the city.

"What exactly happened between them?" I asked Vishal coming out of my visions from the past.
Vishal looked at the corner where Supriya was playing with their daughter and a couple of other kids, thinking something he started. I really don't know what went wrong with them, why they took it to an extreme. I and Supriya, we talked to both of them but it was not meant to be.

6 months into the marriage they started having small fights amongst them as to what all things they don't have in their house and what all they need.
Tarun struggled for a while and then got a small job after coming out of graduation, which was not very high paying. They both got married, they rented a house and started their lives.
But slowly and gradually they started to think that they were not having the happiness they always wanted.
They wanted to buy every possible luxury but Tarun's salary wasn't enough. Tarun didn't wanted Sneha to work.
Sneha started getting frustrated as she was not allowed to work and she didn't even had the luxuries she always wanted after a married life.
The small fights grew up into big ones and at times it went up to the extent, where Sneha told Tarun that it was her mistake to marry him and he telling her that it was his own mistake that he married her otherwise he could have done MBA and would have had a great career.

There were days when Sneha went onto to stay at her Mother's place for weeks but then came back. But it had to end sooner or later.
And one day after a big fight between them, both of them decided not to go further with it.
They decided to get divorce.
I explained them a lot that these things happen in married life and also told Tarun that I will help him in getting a good job but he said that it wasn't only about his job, probably they were not meant to be together.
Vishal's voice became hoarse as he stopped, by this time Supriya was back and sitting next to him. She hold his hand and her daughter still clinging tightly to her.

For a few minutes there was silence, both of us were immersed in deep thoughts. Probably he was also thinking the same, of the time we saw both of them as a 'perfect pair' and everything related to them.

Vishal took a sip of his coffee which must have been cold by now, 'It's funny how the things don't work out sometimes', he said.
I nodded but suddenly I looked towards Supriya then Vishal and then to their daughter who was trying to stretch and reach to her father chuckling all the way.
I smiled and thought 'It's funny how sometimes they do'.

What do I really want?

Life is so complex at times or may be most of the times for some. There is always a path to choose, there is always a decision to make.
The other day I was buying t-shirts for myself (I am way too bad at choices, when it comes to clothes specially) and again I got stuck up with 3 t-shirts which I liked, after half an hour of struggle I could narrow it down to 2. But I wanted to buy only one and I wasn't able to choose between the blue/black and red/white ones.
I liked both of them equally and even though I wanted to buy one I ended up buying both of them and after wearing both of them once I realized I didn't like either of them that much that I could have spent $40 dollars on each.

Neways so the bottom line is life is complicated at every stage, or people like me make it sound unnecessarily complicated. Whatever, but for me buying good clothes for myself is as difficult as, let us say writing an exam.
As difficult it is for me to figure out which t-shirt I want, more or less same is the case with many other things in life for all of us.
We at times (and by at times I mean most of the times) are stuck up with the situations where we don't know what we really want.

In my life till now I have heard this line at least a million times "Do what you really want to do".
Sometimes there are movie stars, celebrities on the television always telling us at the end of their interviews, "Do what you really like", "Do what you really want to do".

Umpteen number of times we come across these lines in newspapers, magazines, books, quotes from some inspiring person.
"Always do what you really want to do in life, whatever inspires you, whatever you like" and when you will do the things you like, you will start enjoying the work, the work will never be work for you again.

Always when I hear or read such lines it forces me to think " What do I really want?".
There are days when I think I am totally screwing up my life, then there are days when I think that I am not doing that bad.

There are days when I think, "do I want to be in the job that I am in?" On a bad weather day (when I am bored at office by doing the same work again and again or would have had some sort of argument at office, or wouldn't get the salary increment that I expect and my friends in other
careers did better than me and many other such occasions) yes I think that I am in a wrong job, I don't want to do this.
But then there are days when I have interesting work, I am doing something creative, I come to know that I am earning much more than my friends in other careers, when I excel in my work, when I am appreciated by my seniors. Those are the times when I think yes this is the right job for me, I always wanted to do this.
I always think is it only me? Am I the only person who doesn't know what I really want?
Is rest of the world very clear about what they want in their lif?
Luckily, the answers to all such types of questions mostly is No.

When Snigdha fell in love with Ranbir (or at least she thought she did), she was going through a rough patch. It had been less than 2 months since her previous relationship, with Saurabh ended. Both would blame each other for that (as it usually happens) but deep inside in her heart she knew she wanted it to end. And the reason? she wasn't sure of the same.
She just got bored of the relationship, probably. Was this the first time for her?

Hell no, she had at least (if not more) 5 relationships since school. And more or less each of them met the same fate.

She did a bachelor in arts and she didn't knew why. Most of her friends were doing it and she couldn't come up with a better reason and told her parents that she "wants to do it".

Unless you have medieval parents, now a days parents would allow their children to do anything as long as they can convince them that they really want to do something (off course they would always bless you with their advice for doing or not doing something).

Mom I really want to learn this thing, Dad I really really want to go to this college, Mom/Dad I really love this dress and want it. Dad I really want to marry him/her. And I think in this generation they would rarely say no (provided you yourself are really clear and confident of what you want to do).

Sonali was one such girl whom I had rarely seen unhappy (except for some silly girly arguments with her girlfriends). I always loved to talk to her. She was one person to whom whenever I went I would come back smiling (regardless how bad my mood was).
She was a chatterbox, always so in to herself, I did this, I went there, I am planning on this, etc. etc. And yes after she is done with herself she would make it a point to ask you how you were and would always provide you with advice (which she always thought was good).
But luckily for me, by the time she was done talking about herself I would always be good and hence less advices for me.
She was one such person whom I had seen being very clear about what she wanted from her life.
Though studying in 11th , she had her whole life figured out.
Often when I was sitting with her asking what she wants to be, she would read out her complete life plan. I want to pass 12th first, shouldn't get third division, 2nd is fine with my parents and then I would be doing B.Com in xyz college (why in that college? because some of her relative(s) daughter has studied there and they were saying it was good).
And once I have done my bachelors I am not going to study any further. By that time my Parents would have already chosen some good match for me, would marry him and settle down, end of story.
The toughest choices she had to made in her life were which lipstick or which shoes would go with her dress ( and believe me she can take more than 4 hours figuring that out).
Though I was not a fan of her way of living life (where everything was so very much planned), nevertheless I also envied her that she was so clear about what she wants in her life. It is not hard for her to make decisions or choose between right and wrong for her.

Ranbir has often questioned Snigdha, if she really loved him and if she really wanted to be with him. And always she has replied with a yes.
Initially there were times in their relationship when she wouldn't have left him ever, if she would be at home, she would give him a call. If she would be talking to someone else, attending a function she would message him. But after 6 months of relationship, things were not same.
Ranbir on one hand, skeptical initially has started to love her deeply and care for her and Snigdha on the other hand has started to drift away from him. She would be involved in her own life, in her parents, in her friends and sometimes with her relatives. She would go to meet Ranbir whenever he would call her but not otherwise. The phone calls lessened the SMS stopped and whenever Ranbir would call her she would try to talk her way out by giving some or the other reason to him.
"I don't know, I really don't know", she was shouting in desperation as I enjoyed my coke on that hill top.
The hill top was a good place, we (as like many other students) used to come there, it was a quite place and you can see a big green patch of land from there. And if you shout the voice will resonate (and couples used to like proclaim there love for their partners by shouting from that hill top).

"What do you mean you don't know?", I asked. Its simple either you love him or not, either you want to be with him or not.
No, it's not that simple. I love him and he loves me. He loves me like crazy, like no one has ever loved me before. He does everything to keep me happy and I know he will always do that.
But I am confused. I want to be with him whenever I want. I want him to be around me whenever I need him. But I don't know if I want to marry him, he was talking about marriage, about meeting his parents and stuff. I am scared, I am confused, I just don't know what to do.

"You really don't know what you want girl. "
"Exactly thats what I am saying", she screamed.

I have known Snigdha for like 5 years and I knew she wasn't a sadist. She was the one who would help out anyone and everyone if the need be. She had her preferences but at the same time she made sure that she was not hurting anyone willfully.
But this indecision of hers has led to her failed relationships. Not knowing what you really want can sometimes be more fatal than knowing it one way or the other.

She couldn't decide if she wanted to be with him and he wanted her to be pretty sure before going forward, as it was affecting their relationship. She broke off with Ranbir after 1 month.

One fine day when I was online, someone with the name of pretty_girl88 tried to add me. Turned out it was Sonali after all, she got my Id from some classmate. It had been more than 6 years since we talked.
I was very much interested in knowing if her plans materialized. They did. All of them.
After passing 12th she did B.Com (never fell in love) and yes her parents found a businessman in delhi for her, she got married an year after she completed her bachelors.
We chatted continuously for more than a week, we both were happy to be talking to each other after so long.

The next month while I was visiting a friend of mine in Delhi, I met herat a restaurant.
But she had changed, the Sonali I so loved listening to and after talking with whom I would forget my bad mood, she had changed. She wasn't talking as much as she used to.
"Are you happy that things turned out to be the way you wanted them to?", I asked.
"You know what?", she said "I don't really know if this is what I wanted".

At the end of the day we are just humans, there are things that we sometimes don't understand. Why we love, why we love someone specific, why we choose one thing over the other, why we decided on what we decided. These are things for which we do not have any answers.
And what we really want, there are times when we can't tell.
It's true that our decisions our choices make up or screw our lives and it would have been good if we would have always known what we want for ourselves but if we don't then just keep on going with the life, as we are never sure that what we might have wanted for ourselves would have been right.

As they say:
मन का हो तो बहुत अच्छा और मन का न हो तो उससे भी अच्छा

Getting Back....

Getting back to something or someone is always difficult (unless that something or someone is toxic). For quite some time I wanted to return back to my blog and start writing again, but for the reasons unknown to me I wasn't able to. Suddenly I realise that it has been more than 1 year since I posted on my blog (I always thought it was just a few days back that I posted a story).

There is a lot to write, lot to share, lot of stories which I want to tell. So I think this short committment to myself (in writing) will keep on reminding me, my blogs is waiting for me.

I would post something interesting soon and would get back.

I want to get back to it.

PS: Till then I would leave you all with the beautiful NYC christmas pics.

Have a look at the beautiful shop decorations, penny harvest and christmas tree.

Ex – Friend

“When Bipasha can be a friend with Dino why can’t you?” I joked.
C’mon I have never refused to be a friend with either of them, Rajat said laughing.
Now don’t get off the track, you know exactly what I am talking about.
Rajat for sure knew what I was talking about because this conversation was now going on for more than an hour.
He again met Shivani today and he has again made a mess of the situation. He got totally drunk, fell down on the dance floor and he didn’t even remember when and how I carried him back to home.
This wasn’t the first time such a thing happened, 9 out of the 10 times he has met Shivani after their breakup, he has always created a situation where he has embarrassed himself along with her.
And yesterday night it was the worst, and the reason as everyone in the party later talked about was Mayuresh, Shivani’s new boyfriend.
It was now over a year that both of them broke up with 2 attempts from Rajat for reconciliation.
When they were in love, they were really the talk of the town. Sometimes you see a couple and you say they are really “made for each other” and that was with both of them.
Their relationship lasted for a year, they started off with petty fights and which at last grew to a big one and it all ended.
What went in between them, nobody knew for sure but the gossip was that Rajat was pretty possessive about her and would always want her to be with him and not talk to other guys. In the initial days of relationship he was fine with whatever she was doing, wherever she was going, he had no complaints but later he became more and more possessive, would keep on telling her not to talk to some guys, to dress up in a particular manner and not to dress up in other way.
Shivani also never seemed to mind the things he would say initially, she would love to dress the way he wanted her to. She liked to be preached by him. She knew that all he was doing or saying was because of the reason that he loved her so much and she used to enjoy being so special to someone.
But later on as he became more and more critical of her ways, it started pinching her and at times she started to argue about not always telling her what to do. It used to result in small fights but either of them would come up and talk to other and everything they had fought about was gone.
But the day they broke up, it is said that Rajat said something really bad (something about her character) and that was the end. She couldn’t take anymore; she would have forgiven anything but him talking about her character. She realized that everything he said was out of temper, but she wasn’t ready to let him go on those grounds. That day might just have been the triggering point of the things going within her for the past so many days.
The relationship came to an end, for 2 month none of them talked to the other, didn’t even face each other but slowly Rajat started missing her a lot. He tried to talk to her but she wouldn’t, she wouldn’t take his calls either. But one day he could get her to talk to him in private and all she said was “it is all over between us and there is no love left within me for you”.
He was mad, mad like a dog. For next 15 days he rarely came out of his home, wouldn’t eat, wouldn’t do anything but shed tears whenever he was alone.
Lastly when I came the third time to talk to him, he said “how come can she forget me? How can she say she has no love left for me? All that love of her for me was fake? Doesn’t she miss me like I do?
“I guess it is very easy for her to forget me, and if she can forget me I can also forget her, I won’t die without her”.
Listening to him I just wondered, was he right? Is it really the case that he only has been yearning for her and it has been easy for her? If both were truly in love then she should also had been in a bad shape and would try to contact him (some part of me just wished that she would call him and both can talk and sort things out).

I just sat by his side and listened, I knew once he vent his anger he will become bit normal and it was really essential for his recovery to shout or curse like that, to say whatever comes to his mind then. I never saw him in such a bad shape.
I spent next 2 days with him, took him out of the house and tried to cheer him up.

He started to recover but again whenever he used to see her the same old feelings started to grow within him (he said he would forget her, but he knew within himself that he can’t do that even if she has).
Another 3 months passed and he was up again and ready to go in front of Shivani. He told this to me and I rejected it outright. “Please don’t do that Rajat”, you will again get hurt. “Just forget her and move on”.
“I can’t forget her”, you know I love her and when she is in front of me how can I forget all those things that happened between us, how can I forget that we both loved each other so much.
“You don’t love her you loved her” and if you feel any comfortable then just talk to her like any other person, don’t talk to her about love or anything like that and I am sure she would respond if you talk to her in that manner. Just try to be friends, if that helps.
But Rajat never listened to me. He got his chance after a few days when they were together onto a picnic with other friends.
During the entire trip he kept on following her and once he could get her alone, to talk. He told her that he wanted to get back and questioned how she can be so hard. How she can not remember him when he remembers her moment?
She was much milder in her responses this time.
“Look Rajat, whatever happened between us was bad, I do realize that and things shouldn’t have gone to that extent when we were really in love” but then things took a wrong turn, I guess we were wrong somewhere or our love missed that extra something.
I don’t blame you completely for what happened; it was the fault of both of us. You never understood and I couldn’t make you understand.
I know what you went through; I know how hard it must have been for you. But believe me it wasn’t any easy for me. The only difference between you and me had been that I couldn’t express the pain, the anguish the way you did. I was also in love with you, I also missed you a lot but I realized that I can’t end my life at that point and I had to move on and so I did. I moved on, you might say that I was hard or heartless but I would say that I was just that bit stronger than you.
And now I suggest you, you too move on. Move on with the life, there could be lot in store for you; you just need to move ahead in life to find that out.
Going forward let’s just be friends, let’s forget what happened in the past. It would make life easy for both of us. Take care of yourself and if you need me sometime I would be happy to be there as a friend.
That was the last time she had such a long talk with him.

Even after Shivani’s talk, Rajat couldn’t come to terms with the fact that she is no more in his life and would never be.
Nevertheless he tried to come out of the big mess he was in. He tried to get his life back on track. But whenever he would meet Shivani, within a group of friends or see her at college he couldn’t control his emotions.
She would always say hello and ask him the usual questions but he wasn’t pretty comfortable with ‘friend’ thing.
Whenever he would meet her inadvertently he would bring up a topic of their past and would popup the question of their getting back.
Probably all these actions of his did nothing more than making Shivani’s decision firmer.
He would make comments amongst his friends about breakup and girls being heartless whenever she was around.

“What are you thinking?” My voice brought him back from his stream of thoughts.
“Nothing”, he shrugged.
I just don’t know how to handle it. I try my level best to come over that past relationship but it keeps on coming back. I just don’t know what to do? Honestly I myself don’t want to live my life this way and for sure don’t want to create problems in her life.

Is it really hard for a guy to get over a relationship then a girl? I never thought that way. As others I was under the impression that it must be real easy for a guy and must be too difficult for a girl. But for sure I was the witness to a situation entirely different.
Probably being friend with your ex is not what guys are best at, whereas girls might be handling it pretty well, why?

Shivani handled the breakup well, came out of it and moved on to a new relation. It was easy for her to consider Rajat as his friend probably because she was able to totally detach herself which Rajat couldn’t do. The way I saw it in Rajat’s behavior I was pretty sure that he would never be able to consider Shivani as just a “friend”.

But that night’s actions of Rajat, did something good for him, probably that was the last nail in the coffin of their already dead relationship. Though he did behave in the worst possible manner but he, after seeing someone else with Shivani got the message loud and clear, that it was all over.
The one thing that I had been trying hard to make him understand, Shivani had been trying to make him understand and probably he might himself be trying hard to understand but couldn’t, was clear to him in just one sight of her being with someone else.
And the way he behaved after seeing Shivani with someone else, probably that was the last outburst (that would have been necessary).


After that day I never made him understand anything, I guess never again he had a talk with Shivani but he just understood. He got hold of himself and the situation around him.
And he succeeded in getting his life back to normal.
Never again he tried to contact Shivani, instead if he would saw her, he would just walk away.
Unlike a movie ending they could never get back again. After 6 months Rajat went to Delhi to take classes for MBA entrance and got enrolled himself into MBA after a year of preparation.
After 3 years we had a small reunion, he came down to attend the party. And as we were enjoying the party, Shivani walked up to him (he knew that she was engaged now and was going to marry in 2 months time), “Hi Rajat, how are you?”
He was taken aback for a moment seeing Shivani in front of him.
“Hey, I am good. Heard that you are engaged, congratulations”. And before she could have said thanks, he moved out from that place uttering “excuse me” to the air.
Even today he wasn’t able to consider her as a friend.

Get tested, it's in fashion

I heard this line sometimes back on a TV show.
A new york based designer Sanjana Jon brought the Miss Universe 'Zuleyka Rivera' to India for the AIDS awareness campaign.
I wouldn't stress on why to get tested, as I am sure anybody reading this would be well aware about HIV/AIDS (If not, then there is plenty of information available online or watch the movie 'Phir Milenge').
I just want to endorse this line for all of those going in for sexual relations with new partners and also those already in a relation.
One of the way to do our bit is before you are going to marry it is the best that both the partners exchange the HIV certificates.
Getting tested before marriage and exchanging certificates shouldn't be seen as disrespecting your partner or doubting his/her integrity but rather as a caring gesture towards your partner. Nobody would like to pass on any disease to his/her partner, whatever it might be.
And being educated and knowing about the disease so much, this is the least we can do to spread the awareness about the disease.

So my request to all of you getting married talk to your partner and "Get tested, it's in fashion"

Zune: The New Tune

I had always wanted to get an MP3 player (to be specific an IPOD), but as I made up my mind to get an IPOD I went around the net trying to know what exactly is an IPOD. With IPOD not being so prominent in India, it wasn't very clear to me as to what all an IPOD can do apart from playing music. I got quite a lot of information about it on the net and then also came to know how crazy people in US are about an IPOD. But then I also got a news about MS new product coming up in the market called 'Zune', which was said to be the competitor of an IPOD. It took me a while to decide why I would prefer a Zune over an IPOD.
Apart from IPOD and Zune also there are a hell lot of good MP3 players available based on your requirement and after having a look at all of them it became confusing for me. Once I decided what I really wanted from an MP3 player, Zune became an obvious choice for me (off course it's brown color was also one of the major factors). For an entire month or more than that I followed the news and views as to how Zune is bad and how an IPOD is better. But still I went with Zune for the following reasons. 1. Plays MP3, wmv, wma (and that's the most I would need to play) 2. It has got Radio, which is not there in the IPOD (I don't know why IPOD never gave one) 3. 3 inch screen which makes viewing the videos a pleasure (I never thought videos would look good on a small screen but they do on the Zune screen) 4. Zune is also WiFi enabled (though there isn't much of a use of wifi as of now) but still I place my bet on MS to give me a lot more from that WiFi in future. 5. Lastly, I am an MS guy and looking at their past track records I can very well say that Zune is going to be much more than an MP3 player in future. Only thing I would ask MS is to concentrate more on Indian market for Zune where IPOD is still not something to shed blood for. Thought I should post a few pics of my Zune (off course Brown). Enjoy!!